Comments on: Little Witch log line http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html Sun, 24 Jan 2016 19:20:14 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.32 By: Jill Hughey http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-200 Sun, 04 Aug 2013 20:01:05 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-200 Thank you all so much. Here is another go….

Nox must protect his scarred heart more carefully after he meets Salena, a rural outcast who dreams of escape from petty people and tedium.

]]> By: Marianne Stephens http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-199 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 22:59:32 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-199 Outcast Salena dreams of escaping loneliness in Nox’s town while he tries protecting her scarred heart…until she disappears.

This is shorter and just my suggestion!
Marianne

]]> By: Rose Gorham http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-194 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 14:18:03 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-194 Nox has built a wall around his scarred heart. When he meets Salena, a rural outcast who dreams of escaping loneliness, he knows he should add another layer of protection…until she disapears.

]]> By: Rose Gorham http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-193 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 14:15:54 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-193 This comment has been removed by the author.

]]> By: Jill Hughey http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-192 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 11:02:13 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-192 All good suggestions. I thought the second line was not working, too. Bringing the visit to the town to the beginning helps the flow. I’ll keep working on it.

Thanks for motivating me, everybody!

]]> By: Cara Marsi http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-191 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 01:51:26 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-191 When rural outcast Salena visits Nox’s town, she dares to dream of escaping the loneliness of her life. Afraid to love again, Nox protects his scarred heart. Until Salena disappears.

Just a thought. I like your original and Melissa’s and Janice’s suggestions too.

]]> By: kittyb78 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-190 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 20:36:56 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-190 Great suggestion Janice. Otherwise it’s a great log-line. Log-lines can be more difficult than coming up with the synopsis.

According to a workshop MFRW did on this same subject last year, G.M.C. {Goal, Motivation, and Conflict} are key components. Tightening those into a 25-30 word sentence is super tough.
Also, you’re supposed to cut any access wordage.

:

After visiting Nox’s town, Salena, a rural outcast, dreams of escaping loneliness, but can she heal Nox’s scarred heart?

Hope this helps.

bidelia78@yahoo.com

]]> By: Janice Seagraves http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-189 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 20:27:23 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-189 How’s this one:

Salena dreams of escaping her loneliness, but can she heal Nox’s scarred heart.

Janice~

]]> By: Melissa Keir http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-188 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 19:00:21 +0000 http://www.jillhughey.com/2013/08/little-witch-log-line.html#comment-188 I like the first line. The second line seems awkward. Maybe… he hides (his heart) from love, until she disappears.

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