Little Witch log line

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Hi all! I always ask for help on my log line as I get closer to publication because there are people in the world who are so much better at tightening up a message than me. So, with Little Witch: Historical Romance Novella starting to go out to beta readers, here is my first day’s attempt at a log line. Fire away in the comments, or email me at jillhughey@yahoo.com if you don’t want to be all public with your advice. Thank you!

Salena, a rural outcast, dreams of escaping loneliness and tedium after visiting Nox’s town. He protects his scarred heart…until she disappears.

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9 Responses to Little Witch log line

  3. Great suggestion Janice. Otherwise it’s a great log-line. Log-lines can be more difficult than coming up with the synopsis.

    According to a workshop MFRW did on this same subject last year, G.M.C. {Goal, Motivation, and Conflict} are key components. Tightening those into a 25-30 word sentence is super tough.
    Also, you’re supposed to cut any access wordage.

    :

    After visiting Nox’s town, Salena, a rural outcast, dreams of escaping loneliness, but can she heal Nox’s scarred heart?

    Hope this helps.

    bidelia78@yahoo.com

  4. When rural outcast Salena visits Nox’s town, she dares to dream of escaping the loneliness of her life. Afraid to love again, Nox protects his scarred heart. Until Salena disappears.

    Just a thought. I like your original and Melissa’s and Janice’s suggestions too.

  5. All good suggestions. I thought the second line was not working, too. Bringing the visit to the town to the beginning helps the flow. I’ll keep working on it.

    Thanks for motivating me, everybody!

  7. Nox has built a wall around his scarred heart. When he meets Salena, a rural outcast who dreams of escaping loneliness, he knows he should add another layer of protection…until she disapears.

  8. Outcast Salena dreams of escaping loneliness in Nox’s town while he tries protecting her scarred heart…until she disappears.

    This is shorter and just my suggestion!
    Marianne

  9. Thank you all so much. Here is another go….

    Nox must protect his scarred heart more carefully after he meets Salena, a rural outcast who dreams of escape from petty people and tedium.